Ah, my mother in law. The stories I could tell. I could base a whole blog just on the wonder that is this woman. But today? Today I am truly going to hurt her, unless venting makes me feel all better. Here goes. Last night my ten year old oldest daughter actually sought me out to spend time with me. We were cuddling and talking in my bed, and I was thinking about my post from yesterday: http://www.fairydustandflapjacks.com/mommy-and-daddy-were-mean-to-each-other/. I asked her if she thought I was a good mom. She said no and then proceeded to spew out word for word the same exact argument my Mother in law has tried to use on me time and time again about why my son does not have special needs.
1. He never acts “that way” at her house.
2. He only flaps and stimms because he is mimicking the other kids in his special needs class at church.
3. He gets angry and has meltdowns just because he’s not getting his way.
4. All of his sensory issues (no loud noises, no hot foods, no cold foods, no rough textured foods, no hot baths etc) are just “preferences”.
5. He behaves that way around me because I “encourage him to”.
In other words, my ten year old was convinced after spending a weekend with her her grandmother that my son is “faking” his special needs in order to get attention. Oh. My. God. Please stop me from killing this woman.
I put the kids to bed and then got on the phone to my soon to be ex-husband. He’s not a believer in our son’s autism either, but even he could see how wrong what his mom did was, and he claims he will talk to her about it. Somehow that doesn’t make me feel better. Gee, I wonder why. I actually decided a few weeks ago to completely give up on convincing my ex and his mom that my son has special needs. I have the support of the doctors, therapists, and teachers so what the hell do I need them for? They are determined to stay uneducated and ignorant, that’s fine. Go right ahead. But using my daughter’s naivete and desire to please her grandparents to push their agenda is just evil.
Last Wednesday the special needs ministry at my church had a presentation on sensory issues, given by a Neurological Music Therapist who has been working with my son at church for months. My mother in law came, and asked all her questions, and told them all that she didn’t believe there was anything wrong with him. The other moms assured her that their children acted “normal” at their grandparents’ homes too, and then would melt down when they got home due to the stress of keeping up the act. The therapist told her that she has seen my son’s behavior, and that I am not making it up. As part of her presentation she explained how difficult it can be for children with sensory needs to go into huge, crowded places like Costco. I guess my MIL took that as a challenge, because three days later I let her have him for the morning and you’ll NEVER guess where she took him. Costco. On a Saturday. Sigh. Yes, I got the meltdown later, and she got the perfectly fine boy.
So, what do I do? I am out of ideas. Help!
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