Thursday, April 18, 2013

Should Neuro-Typical people be Girl Scout Leaders?

 
Today was the day. The dreaded meeting. It was going well, I was trailing along behind the group, keeping my mouth shut and my hands in my pockets. Then a funny thing happened. My co-leader, who had planned the entire meeting by herself, had the girls play "pass the orange" as a way to get them to bond as girl scout sisters. If you don't know what that is, here's a pic I found on the web to demonstrate:
 
Image courtesy of: jessetree.wordpress.com
 
To play this game you have to get really close, cheek to cheek and neck to neck. Addie told me later she loved Daisies except for "that weird game that was almost like making out"!!!!!!!! And there you have it my friends. Karma in all its glory. I videotaped the entire game, of course, and will be happy to pull it out and demonstrate how "offensive" having the girls touch each other in these ways was to me, as a parent. Not that it really was, of course, because I am not an uptight drama queen.
 
Go ahead Jen and Meg. Just say ONE word to me. I dare you.

 
 


Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Should an Aspie be a Girl Scout Leader?


I've been pondering that question quite a bit lately. I am one of the leaders of my middle child's Daisy troop. This year we are working on earning petals. The girls get one petal for each of the lines of the law, once they can demonstrate that they understand it. Being a Girl Scout leader is one of the greatest joys of my life, but Asperger's is getting in the way. This is my third troop, and the first one with such little girls and so many helicopter moms. Last week one of my co-leaders called to tell me that one of the moms was appalled at a joke I made to the girls in passing during one of the meetings. THREE MONTHS AGO. As a result, she was pulling her daughter from the troop and my co-leader asked me to stop coming to the meetings.

What was the joke? Good question. Back in January when I was teaching the girls how to sell cookies for the first time, I told them that it is super easy to sell Thin Mints because when a grown up sees a Daisy with a box of Thin Mints it's like crack, they just can't resist. Ever since that day, my two co-leaders and this mom have been upset with me and I had no clue. I mean, I knew they weren't really friendly, but I just focused on the girls and assumed the adults didn't like me because I was fat or new to the school or something. I never really expect to be successful with peer relationships, so their behavior wasn't out of the ordinary. In retrospect I see how they were cold and at times disrespectful, but in the moment I was clueless.

So now I'm faced with a dilemma. My daughter wants me at the meetings and I want to be there for her. I said a stupid thing, and won't ever say anything like that again, obviously. I've requested a meeting in person with the other two leaders multiple times, but have been ignored or received texts instead. I sat in my car during the last meeting, feeling the entire time like a first grader in time out. I'm frustrated that I haven't been able to do anything to fix it, and I'm frustrated that once again my big mouth and lack of filter has gotten me in a place where people are mad at me.

On the other hand, I'm also a part of an organization that tries to teach people to be honest, fair, friendly, and kind. The last line of the law says that we will be a sister to every girl scout. Is this how they treat their sisters? Keeping this from me was not honest or fair. Having multiple gossiping conversations about me is not friendly or kind. Do I have a right to be just as upset with them as they are with me? AND...would it do me any good whatsoever to tell them that I'm an Aspie, and do the very best I can, but sometimes I am going to need somebody to catch me and remind me when I'm being "inappropriate"?

One other option is walking away, and leaving my daughter in a troop run by two women who think her mom is not worthy of spending time with them. Finally, I could get our Neighborhood manager involved, who I've known for several years, and I know she would make them at least sit down and talk to me, but that would really disgust me to have to go there. How old are we? Can we just sit down and have a discussion? Can't they just look me in the eye and tell me what I did scarred their child for life and they will never forgive me? I jest of course, because it's three months later and none of the girls have had to enter rehab for a crack addiction.

Now it's up to you, dear reader. What should I do? The next meeting is two days away. The clock is ticking and I am out of ideas.


Monday, April 15, 2013

How to cope when your daughter wants to live with her dad

As promised, the amazing wisdom that comes from my Facebook Page :

You will get through this. Everyone needs space. Everyone of every age. We all need room to breath and to think about our lives. Maybe your daughter will do what I did: keep a journal. Many HUGS. I'll be here if you need anything. Becks

It will be ok, glad it's working out. I'm sure it was hard, hang in there! You're a good mom who loves her children Give it time, and don't feel guilty.

You did what you needed to do for your family, especially for her right now...It will suck...little things like having breakfast together, talking about every little thing and just hanging out but in the long run it will be better for everyone...I'm thinking of y'all *hugs* I'm here to talk if you need to!

 ((Hugs)) . I know it's SO hard right now, but she will figure it out...that her Mommy is the one that she can count on. Being away will only have her discover this sooner.

My son is living with his adoptive father. He and I both want to live together, but well, dad has money and you know how that goes. But the happiness is the best gift you can give your kids, so when they get old like us they can look back on their childhood and say, hey It was great and it was fun!

It will be ok. You need to do what is best for her and right now, this is it. She still loves you. She still needs you. It will be tough - never hold it against her if it works out that she does better with her dad. It is not a reflection of the love between you. Stay strong!

You do what you have to do for your children. if you didn't do this, she wouldn't be happy, you and your other children wouldn't be happy. never doubt you did the right thing, you did.

And it's a time thing...within the next year or two she'll decide Dad's house sucks, moms wasn't so bad after all, and she'll be ready to move back. You will however need to set some concrete rules for her to follow for her to move back in, or else she will make everyone's lives hell again. Been there - done that!

i would tell me daughter to figure out for herself how to be comfortable at both our houses . if honestly she is doing good in school & lives with her grandparents/dad then u are doing right by her but that decision where she lives was made by the adults, not her and so is the decision that she has to fit in & be happy when she does come over to your house . my problem is opposite yours, i had to "convince" my daughter to go hang out with her dad . any of her complaints (bored, nothing to do) are the same she has at home . if it means spending a day a week in "misery" for her too bad for her she's gotta make the most of it instead of waste it . 11 ain't far from 12 13 14 . u gotta be the boss of that girl even if it's from a distance . my friend told me she's gotta know what your expectations for her are and make HER work to keep em that high . for me tho, i HATE when my daughters have to be responsible for their parents feelings . you're not a sensitive growing pains teenager, she is, work around her feelings & what her responsibilities of being a daughter/big sister/kid are . don't let her go tho . even a 5 minute phone call every evening goes a long way, a the tleast once a week

 I went down this road With both my girls they're starting to come around it takes time. It hurts like hell for me but there was no fighting it they were safe there otherwise I wouldn't of allowed it but it ended up strengthening our relationship in the long run because now they realize their dad was not such a prince so I say go for it... Don't beat yourself up over all of this... It will get better I promise. I think it changed my life too and that wasn't necessarily a bad thing.

I'm sorry sweetie! Just give her time and let her know you love her. My son used to get mad at me and tell me he was going to go live with his dad, until I went to grab the phone and call his dad to pick him up. It didn't take long for him to see that his dad's complaining about me "taking his money" was BS. Maybe that is the root of it for you? Not the money, just the feeling that he broke your heart once and is now doing it again by using your daughter? He sounds selfish to have her thinking you were taking all of his money when you are working hard to support your kids. Wait... sounds like my ex.

My baby girl moved in with her dad, and other horrors.

I haven't written a new post in quite a while. Life has been rolling along really well, and I've been making do with Facebook statuses. But then there comes a moment when you just have to get the thoughts out of your head and down on paper or you are going to explode.

Katie is eleven years old. When she was three and we were considering a second child, I was firmly against it. I had this precious little angel, and another kid would come in and take half of everything my girl deserved. Half the time, half the resources, half the space would go to the new baby, and Katie would have to take a back seat. I knew in my heart that I couldn't emotionally handle additional kids. That's not easy to admit, but it's truth and so I admit it.

My ex was determined, however, and I backed down, as always. So we had another little girl, and then after much debate and attempts by me to get out of it, a little boy. My son is on the autism spectrum. My younger daughter is gifted, and, at times, a nightmare to deal with. Katie has had to suck it up, help, be quiet, skip playdates, and make thousands of the little sacrifices that come from having two younger siblings.

I will never forget the pain on her face when she asked me if I still loved her daddy and I couldn't say that I did anymore. Every moment of every day since I left her daddy December 26th, 2011 she has let me know that she doesn't want to be in the home I have tried to make for her. She wants to be with him, she wants to live in grandma and grandpa's house like he does because it "Feels like home." She claims they understand her better and that they are easier to talk to. She loves having her own space there, here she shares her room with her sister. I've tried every way I could think of to convince her that I wasn't the bad guy, but since I refused to bad mouth her dad, I didn't have a lot to work with.

Last Thursday it all came to a head. I was dealing with Girl Scout Leader drama (I'll write about that in a separate post), and she starts begging to go to Dad's house. I was so raw and hurt and wrung out, I told her to go and not come back until she actually wanted to be with me. We didn't fight about it, there was no screaming or drama, there was just me saying, "Enough."

She left for the night, and that's when I realized. If I really wanted to wait until she wanted to be here, I was probably going to be waiting for a very long time. What is happening? How can this little girl that I have given my life to be so indifferent about spending time with me? She walked out the door with a smile on her face and a skip in her step. I have to ask again, what is happening? There is nothing in me that can understand this.

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Monday, February 18, 2013

I'm baaaaack...

Hey everybody, just wanted to take a moment and update you. I've just moved all my old posts from Wordpress to Blogger, which will make it so much easier for me to keep up with it. All the entries posted before this one are from the Spring of 2012. When summer came I got so busy with the kids and my new writing career that I had to let the blog lie. No more. I'm committed baby!  I am here to entertain, enlighten, and inform. Along those lines, I had the following conversation with my five year old Aspie son today:

Him: MOM!!! Come WIPE me!
Me: When do you think you will start wiping your own rear end dude? When you're six?
Him: No.
Me: Seven?
Him: No.
Me: Eight?
Him: No.
Me: Nine?
Him: No. Wait, wait, wait, how old are you Mommy?
Me: 38
Him: I'll do it when I'm 38.
Me: In that case, I'll be sure to warn all your girlfriends to stock up on baby wipes, now bend over kid. Let's get this over with.

And on that crappy note, goodnight.

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